Why call it TFMR: Honoring the Story Behind Termination for Medical Reasons

Understanding the Meaning of TFMR

Why Language Matters When We Talk About Ending a Wanted Pregnancy

One of the most common questions I hear is: “Why use the term ‘Termination for Medical Reasons’ instead of abortion?”

It’s a fair question—and one that opens the door to an important conversation about grief, loss, and compassion.

Yes, TFMR is a type of abortion. But the term “abortion” by itself doesn’t tell the full story. It often fails to capture the emotional weight and medical complexity behind the decision.

When a parent faces a TFMR, they are not choosing to end an unwanted pregnancy. They are saying goodbye to a baby they deeply wanted. These pregnancies are often celebrated and joyfully anticipated—until the unimaginable happens. Maybe a serious fetal anomaly is diagnosed. Maybe the pregnancy interferes or impacts the health of the mother/birthing individual. Or maybe both.

In those moments, families are left with a devastating decision that doesn’t feel like a choice at all. The only real choice—the one they wish they had—is the one that no longer exists: a healthy baby in their arms.

TFMR vs. Abortion

Think of it like this: saying “abortion” is accurate in the same way that saying “surgery” is accurate. But saying “emergency open-heart surgery” gives you more context and details about the surgery.

“Termination for Medical Reasons” tells more of the story. It acknowledges that this is not just a medical procedure—it’s a form of pregnancy loss and baby loss rolled into one. It speaks to the trauma, the grief, and the love behind the decision.

And for many, this distinction is not just semantic. It’s healing.

TFMR Can Signify Baby Loss

For some parents, using the word "abortion" feels too clinical or politically charged. For others, it feels like it erases the identity of their baby. For many who use the term, it’s a way of communicating their lived experience through their voice and view. And for many, TFMR acknowledges the view of losing a child and the identity of a grieving parent.

This isn’t about distancing from the abortion conversation. In fact, TFMR parents are part of the abortion rights community. But they also need space to speak their truth—a truth that includes medical trauma, deep love, and profound grief.

TFMR Support: A Name for Community and Connection

One of the most powerful reasons the term TFMR (Termination for Medical Reasons) is used is because it gives these parents something they often don’t have after loss: a name, a language, and a community.

Many people who go through a TFMR feel completely alone. They may not know anyone else who’s been through it.

Saying you’ve had a TFMR, or are a TFMR parent, TFMR dad or TFMR mom becomes something more than a label. It becomes a lifeline.

Using the term TFMR helps parents find one another. It leads them to TFMR support groups, to therapists who work with TFMR patients, to Instagram accounts and podcasts that finally make them feel seen.

It’s not just language—it’s connection. And in the aftermath of unimaginable heartbreak, that kind of connection can be the beginning of healing.

Honoring the Complexity of TFMR

It’s also important to recognize this label may not fit or feel comfortable for everyone. Some may use different terms, such as abortion for medical reasons, termination for a fetal anomaly, termination for maternal reasons or ending a wanted pregnancy. And some may still simply use the term abortion.

This a lived experience and each person processes it differently and may view it differently.

But however it is named, these losses share a common thread: they are rooted in love, grief, and impossible decisions. The language we choose should honor that truth—not define or divide it.

Whether you say TFMR, abortion for medical reasons, or another term that feels right to you, you deserve support, understanding, and a space to process your loss. There is no one right way to talk about it—only your way. And your way is valid.

If You’re Grieving After a TFMR…

Please know: you are not alone, and your story deserves to be told in full. Whether you’re looking for TFMR therapy, trying to find a supportive community, or simply needing space to process what happened—this space is for you.

If you’d like to talk more or need support, I offer individual therapy for TFMR and baby loss. Contact me here for a free 15-minute consultation.